I do

Do you believe in marriage? I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure anymore... It seems to be more like a cesspool of broken dreams & high hopes of a forever after. Do all marriages end up like festering toxic swamps? ...according to some of my acquaintances & old friends they do. I’m wondering when people stop talking & start screaming to each other & replying with snarky remarks? At what point does it go from “I can’t wait to see you” to “Get the f**k away from me”?

Tried to look all contemplative & s**t...
I’m quite sure that I’ll never get to experience any of it at first hand. Not that I think I’d ever let it get that bad. But then again, I’m really good at messing up things that’s for sure… 
Marriage was always sacred to me, I revered it. Just based on watching my grandparents. I’m sure they had their struggles…but that twinkle in their eyes when they looked at & talked about each other, that never went away. …& they always seemed to choose one another. Looking back I guess that’s what I always wanted, but as I said, I’m real good at messing things up.

A digression maybe...but had a reoccurring dream a while back that I was in a truck with the love of my life & he drove me to a lake & he told me if I just stared out across the water I might see some fish jumping. (Damn, I miss fishing…) It was sunset & quite a beautiful evening. At that point I was pretty sure I was getting a bullet through the back of my head though… (Had been binge watching The Blacklist, sooo probably some irl entanglement there.) But then he said: “Linn” & I turned around & there he was, with his bearded face, down on one knee holding a ring in white gold with a stone that looked like smokey quartz with two tiny perfect skulls nestled on each side of it. Then I froze, the lake froze… The end. Back to reality.

What I'm saying with this is that if you have someone don't let things fester & grow into something you can't get back from. If you're hurt, let your partner know, cause unless they're superhuman then chances are that they can't read your mind...& they can't change their behaviour if they're not aware of what they are doing are hurtful. 

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." ~Steve Martin.


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