Not yours to take

When a loved one’s struggling with suicidal thoughts you automatically start pushing everything in front of you, chores, appointments, relationships, trips, etc. You’re kinda on standby 24/7 & can’t explain why you’re like that, cause it’s not your story to tell… 

But then, all of a sudden, it breaks the surface & reaches the light…& you can open up about it, just a little bit though. Not gonna go diving all in at this point, but I'll say that I do understand the dark thoughts, the inner voice that whispers of a person’s worth. But suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 
…& I do not believe your life is yours to take. Cause when your heart stop beating, other’s start to ache. Your pain never goes away, it just takes on a different form in all of us you leave behind. So instead, let the people who love you so dearly, break through that gloomy mist that surrounds you & silence that lying piece of sh*t voice in your head telling you you’re worthless. You're pure starlight, darling...the world will definitely be lacking without you in it. 

God, I don't know if my heart can bear anymore heartache... Just know if that person aka the light of my life goes, I'll also cease to exist. Simple as that. Trying not to go down that rabbit hole though, for my own sanity's sake. Not the best way to start off 2018, but guess 2017s sh*tty end spilled over into the new year. Anyway, I'll try to have something more upbeat to write about next Sunday. See you then.

"Life grows beautiful flowers over old scars." -Terri Guillemets.


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