Scent Of Sulphur

Do you ever get the feeling that when fate throws monkey wrenches in the works it’s to tell you that you’re on the wrong path? I’ve felt like that for quite some time, but hadn’t adhered to the notion of it. But I get it now & I am hellbent on implementing it in any way I can…both health wise, spiritually & so on. Cause I’m just tired of all the crap. Thinking back it’s like Murphy’s law have been my constitution for the past 10 years…& to my own dismay I’ve realised that I’m the one that carved it into stone by accepting that things are the way they are because *insert whatever lame excuse here*. I’ve had dreams, big ones, little, mediocre & some that are just flat out batsh*t. But they were mine & I wanted them sooo bad. But instead of going after them actively, I planned & bided my time instead… Cause you get second chances if you don’t rock the boat, right? WRONG! The whole “don’t rock the boat” concept is complete & utter bullshitzu. If you can swim, or…

Yeah, sooo, about what I ended the last blog post with… The whole crossing of fingers for a better 2020… Well, I crushed that goal alright! Feels like fate’s flipping me off. I’m actually laughing as I write this, cause this past week’s just been plain stupid.



Was going grocery shopping with my mum in Sweden on Sunday 19th & she had brought an old metal file cabinet that I thought would be a good idea to get out of her car before we left. Lost my grip & ended up with my hand smashed between the car & cabinet. My tiny mum turned into the Hulk & lifted it out of the car & in a nano second she had jumped into the driver’s seat. Blood everywhere & off to the emergency room we went. She probably thought I’d become delirious at some point cause I started singing a silly old song & making weird noises to distract myself from the pain. At the E.R. they quickly ushered me to the hospital with a note that they suspected it was crushed…& they were spot on, thankful…

Hadn’t planned on writing anything here in any foreseeable future. Mainly because I’ve only used this blog to spew out gibberish…& to be honest, I got tired of being reminded of how utterly boring & uneventful my life had become. But when I think back on this past year I probably should have vented a bit… Cause it’s been like wading through a big pile of dung to be honest. It had its nice moments of course but overall it’s been crap. Here, let me recap with a few tidbits of the wonderful year of 2019:  
I got put on some seizure medicine that supposedly would help my I.I.H. Did it work, you ask? Well, if me going completely demented & setting my kitchen on fire…then sure, it worked. Pared with a lovely burn in my lungs for weeks afterwards… Yeah, that was a real hoot. Then we have the financial blunders I’ve made, deaths, unwanted houseguests aka rodents & 3 birds nesting in the vents, fucked up sewers & chimney…which was its own humongous sh*tshow. Moving on to th…

I got a lot of firewood from my lovely neighbours today, so now I have this huge pile in my garage & a nice & toasty house. 



I take my hat off to him, that has worked a lifetime doing that…chopping down trees, tending to the woodland. Hard work...& think, he’s way over 80 & still does it with a smile. 
Then there’s her, gosh, her kindness radiates. I can’t even explain it, but she somehow teaches me gratitude on a whole different level - & grace. She reminds me that there’s a lot to be thankful for, it’s just a matter of perspective… 



Guess what I’m most thankful for at the moment is that this hollow space in my heart’s slowly being filled again…through kindness & the simple thing of being seen, & opening my own eyes to the little things in life - that actually is life itself.
~Linn. Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld.

Damn, almost mid October already. How time flies when you’re having fun… Sooo, you might be wondering why I’ve been awol for the past few weeks? …the easiest explanation to that is basically that I’ve f**ked up & been working my derrière off trying to set things right. Not going to dive further into to that pile of manure though, so moooving on. 
The trees have been changing colours & my grass is covered with little flakes of golden hues. No doubt about it, this is my favourite season. It’s jam packed with guilty pleasures…  Like not cleaning up in your garden, cause you enjoy the smell of rotting leaves. Hell, I even like it when they make the pavement slippery…or you’re waiting for the bus & you just stand there squishing one or two underneath your boots & kinda smearing it all over. Yeah, I know, I’m weird...

Then there’s the whole stew thing. I don’t know what it is about that, but stews are just such a f**king release from the salads & easy digestible foods. I wa…

My mom & son came & took my fat a$$ out for a drive today, destination Sweden. One of the stores there are kinda like venturing into a no-go zone. But it’s usually me who blows up. I just can’t stand insolent people, elbowing their way through aisle after aisle…& when you find yourself face to face with one of them, opposite each other on each end of the aisle, you know that sh*t’s about to go down. You steer the shopping cart firmly in front of you, showing that you ain’t chicken. Then, at a moment’s weakness you glance over at what your family’s doing & BAM!!! the little trixter have almost sprinted towards you & slammed against your cart. You’re disappointed with yourself, but brush it off & continue slithering between the masses of people & products…& suddenly you’re face to face again, but this time there’s also another shopper turning around a corner & you find yourself in a Mexican stand off’ish situation… Someone’s got to yield, & I stil…